Especially gurus who are only good at BS and making it sound good, the difficulty is identifying the fake ones from the real ones!
There are fake gurus that know they know nothing but are so good at BS they make it sound real… if they don’t go into IT they end up lawyers, politicians or dictators.
Then there are fake gurus that don’t know they know nothing, these actually believe their own bull crap and when faced with reality they either persist they are correct or quickly change things round to try and convince others that’s what they said in the first place… either way these people are delusional and dangerous.
Then there are asshole gurus which know what they are talking about in a specialist area but consider everyone else slime that crawled out from under a rock. These people are a pain in the behind and mostly sent somewhere to work on their own in a dark and dank basement.
Then there are the hippy gurus which once upon a time were seriously high and had ideas that were visionary… now they are just seriously high. At least they like to share the good stuff.
Then there are the groupie gurus who have a devout following of junior developers hanging on and listening to every word as if it were gospel.
The depressed guru who no one understands at any level… be it their code, during informal chats or team presentations. Their best friend is alcohol and classic Star Trek re-runs.
Then comes the most destructive guru of all… the enlightened one! This guru wants to spread his wisdom everywhere and make lots of changes to improve everything from introducing new coding techniques to reducing every network call to less than 30 nanoseconds. With a good heart and good intentions he drives everyone crazy with his constant quest for perfection to such an extent that everyone hates him and leaves.
The entrepreneur guru who is constantly coming up with get rich schemes and personal projects that will revolutionize the world.
The plagiarist guru, who claims everyone stole his ideas.
The stab you in the back guru, who will gladly screw everyone and anyone to look good in-front of his superiors.
The shy guru who crumbles at the mere sight of a human with breasts and becomes a babbling fool.
The post human guru, who wants to upload his brain into a computer.
The megalomaniac guru who wants to rule the world, usually with an army of sharks and lasers!?!
The misanthropic guru who wants to destroy the world.
Smokey guru, guess what he does.
Paranoid guru who has his own 1024 bit encryption algorithm for everything and runs 3 different anti-virus programs and has a password that takes 3 minutes to type.
FBI guru… who claims to have worked for a top secret government organisation but can’t discuss it in detail because the walls have ears.
Crazy guru… talks to himself and his imaginary friends but somehow and strangely enough his rants make perfect sense.
Fat guru… hasn’t seen his toes for the last 30 years.
Druid guru… even though his life revolves around computers and technology he is in “tune” with nature.
Rasta guru… dialog boxes ask the user; you sure you wanna be downloading dis man?
Babe guru… shes or he is astonishingly good looking, body like a super model, adorable geek with glasses, intelligence levels off the scale, has all the others running around crazy but… she or he has a preference for people of the same sex.
Devil guru… dresses in black, wears black glasses, black nails, inverted cross, worships the dark forces and thinks it’s cool to be all silent and aloof and only speak using single words and cryptic ways.
Jedi guru… thinks star wars actually happened somewhere far far away… and likes to make light saber noises… when annoyed or confronted, they retaliates with; I find your lack of faith disturbing.
I could keep going… there are many different self proclaimed gurus out there… but I will end this by saying that the real gurus are the ones that know just one simple truth… and here it is..
There is always something new to learn and that which we hold as true today can easily become obsolete and irrelevant tomorrow.